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Can’t take a chance!
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for R150 or we can have her shipped back home for R5000. The husband thought about it and told the undertaker he would have her shipped back home. The undertaker asked him, "Why would you spend R5000 to have her shipped home when you could have a beautiful burial here, and it would only cost R150?" The husband replied, "Long ago, a man died here, was buried here, and three days later, rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance!"
The Truth!
At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth" -- even when you don't know anything.
The boy decides to go home and try it out. As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug."
Tit for Tat!
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter...
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: “I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses.”
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note 'I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. “Lead us not into temptation.”
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