|
Quit smoking!
A friend asks his friend for a cigarette. His friend says, "I think you made a New Year resolution to quit smoking". The man says, “I am in the process of quitting". Right now, I am in the middle of phase one. What's phase one? I've quit buying.
New Year Lecture!
On New Year's Eve, Peter was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home.
As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman.
'What are you doing out here at four o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer.
'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Peter.
'And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year's Eve?' enquired the constable sarcastically.
'I agree, but my wife will,' slurred Peter grimly.
New Year Guest!
Derek's New Year's Eve party was an annual occurrence with numerous guests arriving.
During the evening, a man knocked on the door, was greeted heartily although no one knew who he was, and was led to where the drinks were, in the kitchen.
He sat there happily, chatting away, for a couple of hours before a strange light dawned on his face.
'You know,' he confided to Derek, 'I wasn't even invited to this party.
I just came over to tell you that some of your guests' cars are blocking my drive.'
He continued, 'My wife's been sitting out in the car waiting for me to get them moved, so that we can go out.'
|
